Since as long as I can remember, one of my personal weaknesses is that I wish my life away.
There are so many instances in which I recall crossing the days off my calendar, counting down the days relentlessly, and wishing I was at a different place in my life.
How sad is that?
It probably sounds like I am a miserable, unhappy person, but the truth is that I am not. I am a very happy individual, and I have so much to be grateful for. So why the heck do I constantly wish my days away?
If you are a long-time reader of my blog, you may recall when I wrote a similar post about wishing my life away about a year and a half ago. It is interesting to see how much I have grown since this blog post, yet so much has remained the same. I am aware that living in the future-mindset is a growing problem area of mine, yet it is so hard for me to sometimes be present and appreciate where I’m at in life.
As much as I love learning in my graduate program, I cannot wait to start the next chapter of my life. I have long aspired to start my dream career, feel financially stable, and finally start a family. I’ve wanted to be a mother for what seems like my entire life; I feel like I was born to be one. Motherhood feels so close, yet so far away.
But the question is, once I finally “achieve” that perfect lifestyle, what’s next? Will I be wishing my beautiful infant child is older so I can get more sleep? Will I be wishing my child is older so I can be done dealing with their hellish teenager years? Will I be counting down the days until retirement?
Will I ever feel content?
I believe that happiness is a journey, not a state of mind.
It’s time to start living by example, and learning to be happy with my present journey.
This afternoon, my dear future-sister-in-law messaged me and asked me I would care to join her rollerblading. I hastily looked at the time on my phone and debated for about five minutes if I had time to get outside. I have so much to do, I thought to myself. Maybe I should ask her if we can go tomorrow instead.
And then I thought back to the instance a few weeks ago in which my counseling instructor took us for a walk outside and had us pause mid-walk.
“Close your eyes, and take a deep breath. What do you feel?” He asked.
“I feel calm, peaceful, and present,” I responded.
“We’ve only been outside for less than 10 minutes. Do you think that it requires a long length of time to be outside to feel its calming effects?”
It was in that moment that I realized that I have been making excuses for quite some time regarding my self-care. Excuses not to go outside; not to exercise; not to be with family. I’m too busy, I tell myself. I have to get XYZ done in order to succeed. I don’t have time to take care of myself. I don’t have time to enjoy the little things.
I thought about this life-changing moment, and ultimately decided to go roller-blading with my sister.
And you know what? It was wonderful. I was able to spend some quality time with her, enjoy the beautiful changing leaves, breathe in fresh air, and get some exercise. And it only took all but 30 minutes.
That’s why, for this week, my focus is to Just be.
Be observant of the little joys.
Embrace the messy.
Embrace all of the opportunities ahead of me.
Live in the present, and have faith in my future.
It’s time to trust the journey.
Everything will be just fine, if I just be.
Does this post resonate with you? Leave me a comment below!
Photo by Kallidoscope Photography