5 reminders for you when dealing with rude people.

I’ll never forget some of the backlash I received after publishing one of my first articles with Huffington Post. The piece was entitled, “Stop Using Slut as a Term of Endearment,” and discussed how I believe it’s degrading when women call each other words such as “slut,” “bitch,” and “whore.” The point of my post was that we don’t like when men call us these words, so why should we call each other these terms?

I was SO proud of myself when I heard back from Ms. Arianna herself that my piece would be published, and squeaked with excitement when the post was live on Huffington. The next day, I clicked on the link to see if there were any comments, and was SHOCKED to find that in less than 24 hours, there were dozens of rude and absurd comments attacking me, my thoughts, and my intelligence.

I knew that it was a controversial topic, but I was so troubled of the fact that nearly 90% of the commenters were men, when clearly this article was a rant about how WOMEN speak to WOMEN. Some of the comments read as follows:

“Amazing how America thinks it is entirely in charge of policing the English language and the manner in which humans interact. . . Give over. Not everyone is as sensitive as people are in your horrible, cultural wasteland.”

“Might I suggest you take a class or two on women’s studies and not assume you know everything when you walk in.”

“Well, that is your opinion and I think we should all thank you for trying to impose it on others – yep no freedom of expression here.”

And my favorite, which later was deleted by the user, stated:

“Liberal Huffington and their cheap talent grad student bloggers. Perhaps Ms. Hetzel at age 23 is not yet old enough to fully understand her thoughts and opinions.”

LOLZZZZZZZ. I guess at age 23 I’m not old enough to have coherent thoughts and feelings, guys.

I could go on and on about each of these comments, and how these people seemingly think that I’m just some random, uneducated girl who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about. I just wanted to find each individual and shake some sense into them that I actually am nearly halfway through my Master’s program…that being said, I am fully capable at age 23 of forming my own thoughts and opinions.

So here’s the question. WHY are people so rude? Whether it’s behind an anonymous internet screen, at work, or at school. WHY do people feel the need to hurt others with their words? And it’s not just me who has a problem with the internet haters. My girl Lindsay blogs about her own experience dealing with internet trolls in this post.

Today’s post is to remind my dear readers that even though others may be crapping on you, you are awesome. Here are 5 things to remind yourself when dealing with rude people:

1.) They are insecure

Deep down, there is something that tells the rude person that they need to cut others down in order to make themselves feel better. I truly believe that even the most confident people who treat others disrespectfully are deeply insecure with some aspect of themselves. We have to remember that although we are being targeted, when looking at the big picture, this actually has NOTHING to do with us.

2.) They are unhappy with their own lives

Clearly, these kind of people aren’t happy in their own lives. Some of their needs are not being fulfilled, whether it’s the need for love, attention, or happiness, they are trying to fulfill the missing void by being taking away a HAPPY PERSON’S thoughts and feelings. Whether they are aware of it or not, it makes them feel better by sucking the happiness out of someone else because they aren’t happy, so why should you be?

3.) They need power

This stems down to one thing: A control issue. The rude person feels like they are lacking control in other parts of their life and needs to feel like they have a grip on something…And unfortunately, you are the scapegoat.

4.) They have poor coping skills

Relating back to the need of power, this also shows that by taking advantage of you and your happiness, this shows that the rude person has poor coping skills in their own life. They simply cannot cope with what their own life throws at them, so they feel the need to have power in what they CAN control: You and your emotions. They use anger and hatred as a mechanism to feel better about themselves.

5.) It’s really not about you

This is THEIR stuff that they are dealing with, not yours. Whatever the rude person is thinking, feeling, or acting upon actually has nothing to do with you.

In the end, you have to remember that when people are rude to you, it in no way shape or form represents who YOU are as a person. Don’t let THEIR stuff you down. Because darlings- you’re all rockstars.

Xoxo,

You may also like these posts!
15 Habits of Successful Women
It’s Okay to Put Yourself First Sometimes
You Are More Than Your Insecurities

Be sure to like me on Facebook for more inspirational bits!

  • Excellent reminders. Rude people are attempting to hide their insecurity. It often shocks when it occurs but you can often look at them and see how unhappy they are.

    • Yes. It’s sad, but true.

  • YES. When I get criticized, the first thing that comes to my mind is the fact that what I do does not directly affect you. And if that person’s opinion holds no value to me, I dismiss it

  • Just what I needed before heading to work today! Thanks!

    • Thanks for following along! xo

  • Chelsea, you are so right. It’s really not about you when people are negative and rude towards you. It’s about them and their own insecurities and unhappiness in their lives. I used to struggle with this because I’m the type of person that I want everyone to get along and it upsets me when people are rude to me for no reason, but as I’ve gotten older I guess I’ve gotten more thick skinned in just brushing it off and realizing it’s their problem if they want to go around and be mean to people, and not mine. I for one loved your article and completely agree with all the points you made! Haters gonna hate, but we just gotta shake it off, girl 😉

    • Aw thank you so much for reading, Cara. Yes, I truly believe that it’s THEM and not us. I feel like the older I get the thicker skin I develop as well!! XO

  • Lindsay Katherine

    I’m so happy you wrote this post, especially after our conversation last night. GGGRRRRRRR, I love that we have each other to vent to, but ultimately, you are right – it is THEIR problem, not yours. Especially Miss You Know Who. Proud of you for writing this important post that so many of us can relate to.

    • Thanks for letting me vent <3

  • That last one “it’s really not about you” is KEY! I remind myself of this EVERY DAY when I’m dealing with someone rude or inconsiderate. Taking a deep breath and reminding myself and I’m in a much better place to brush them off and move on.

    • Keep breath and letting it go is key!!

  • I totally agree. Rude comments reflect totally on them and not on you. It’s amazing the horrible things people feel comfortable saying when hiding behind the computer screen. I’m glad you didn’t let their comments get you down. Congratulations on a Huff Post piece. That in of itself is a reason to celebrate and know you truly are a rockstar :)

    • Aw thank you so much. Yes, I cried at first but I got over it real soon!!

  • All good points! I deal with customers on a daily basis and some can be so rude! It’s always helpful to remember your tips!

    • Thanks for reading! Glad you realize that it’s not you- it’s them!

  • Rica Lewis

    I love this post. I’m usually super laid back but I get worked up when people are nasty — especially men. I witnessed a man insulting a woman in a cafe recently and I jumped in and cussed at the guy. It was none of my business, and my response was inappropriate but I felt compelled to stand up for the lady (whom I never met). That incident made me look deeper to find the source of my anger. What I realized was that my history with abusive men has made me hypersensitive to perceived threats. And while it’s good to stand up for what’s right, I don’t want to be the scorned woman. Ya know? We’re all struggling with something. It’s good to keep that in mind. Excellent post!

    • Thank you so much for sharing that with me! I think it’s incredible that you stood up for a woman who needed an advocate at the time. I love your introspection! And I don’t think you were necessarily being a scorned woman. If the man was out of line, what you did was appropriate.

  • I think #3 and #5 are very true and most important. People like having control and people like being heard. So if they have other crap to deal with, it’s easier to anonymously comment on someone’s post who they will never meet in person. Oh boy. I loved your post! Get it, girl!

    • Aw thanks Alanna!! Yes, it is crap that we all deal with unfortunately. Hope this post helps others realize that it’s not THEIR fault that another person is taking out something on them.

  • This is EVERYTHING! It can be so hard dealing with rude people and I think it’s so important to realize that 9 times out of 10 it’s a problem with them or their day and not with us.

    LiveLifeWell,
    Allison

    • Exactly. Thanks for stopping by, Allison!

  • Ugh sorry you got such rude comments. I thought the post was great! People are frustrating, rude, annoying, and plain mean. I think the internet, social media, and the celebrity culture have made it worse but maybe they’ve just made it more accessible. I had a very rude/mean experience with someone I have not even met last night. Within 2 minutes a complete stranger made me cry and ruined my night. In the words of Carrie Underwood, “the more {people} I meet, the more I love my dog” (if I had a dog).

    • Are you serious?! What the heck – that is awful! I am so, so sorry to hear that; you don’t deserve it! Ditto on the Carrie comment. I think the anonymity of the internet makes people think it’s “okay.” Totally NOT.

  • I agree with all five points. I also had someone tell me once that when someone is rude to her, she likes to give them the benefit of the doubt that they’re having a bad day. It forces her to not carry that interaction with her the next time they meet and sometimes makes a world of difference.

    • What an awesome, positive perspective. Thank you for sharing that with me!

  • I absolutely agree. Rude people are hard to deal with and sometimes it’s hard to remind yourself that it’s not about you, but it’s their problems that make them the way they are.

    • Completely. Thank you for the support!

  • Amanda K

    These are great reminders. Thankfully I haven’t had anything like this happen to me, and if it does, I am just going to keep my head up and ignore the haters.

    xx,
    Amanda || http://www.fortheloveofglitter.com

  • Kim Munoz

    Everyone has something to say about everything. And lately it seems its usually negative. Sure everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but when did being rude become OK? Sorry that you were bombarded with all that nonsence. F em!

  • Being a slightly rude person, I guess this is appropriate. I think it can be mostly because of constant bitter circumstances turned into a bitter life! Great writing! :)

    • 😉 Thanks for stopping by!

  • CrazyShenanigans

    Yes! I truly think their unhappy with themselves!

    • That’s what it comes down to!

  • DEAR LORD people need filters! You go girl for writing on the edge and getting published by a huge publication, and for having the courage to follow up with this to encourage others. You’re inspiring, your words help others, and these people need to learn manners. If only everyone acted online how they would in person…geez!

    Coming Up Roses

    • Aw thank you so much for your support, Erica! I was super upset at first but was over it in like 10 minutes….haterz are gonna hate. lolz

  • It always shocks me to see how rude people can be, especially online. What sad is that, most of the time, the people who actually have the positive thoughts don’t comment at all. I try not to take rude comments personally for all the reasons you mentioned. Instead, I try to spread kindness!

    • So true! It seems that especially on blogs people are far more likely to leave negative comments than positive ones on those kinds of publications on Huffington. And people seem to forget that there is actually a real person behind the computer screen.

  • People love hiding behind a computer screen and it just shows their cowardly ways. Keep your head up pretty lady :)

    xoxo, Jenny

  • Kimberly McCarthy

    I love both of your posts, Chelsea! This and the Huff one! I completely agree with you on the “slut, whore, and bitch” thing and was even considering writing a blog post about it myself.
    I read a novel recently called “Firefly Lane” about two best friends and I love the story but they call each other “bitch” in a joking way and just insult each other in other ways with comments that are not at all loving, even though it’s meant to be a joke, and I was put off by that throughout the book.
     It’s degrading even meant as a term of endearment, to call each other “bitch” and other insults, and I always cringe when I hear girls call their friends and sisters it or see it on social media. 
    I even saw jewelry meant for close friends saying things like “best bitches” and “bitches for life.”
    Totally not my cup of tea! 
    I don’t want my friendships based on insults, even playful ones.
    I prefer loving friendships expressed in warm ways, not with the love expressed through degrading words and playful insults. 
    It’s not about being “sensitive.” I’m not sensitive like being easily offended. 
    I just prefer warm, tender friendships. 
    It’s not about control either. I’m not trying to create laws banning those words or us calling each other them and I’m sure you’re not either! We can call each other whatever we want. We’re just saying that we don’t like it. We can have things we don’t like and express it but it doesn’t mean we’re trying to force anything on anyone else.
    All those people who wrote rude comments have things they don’t like either, you posting your opinion on this, for example.  
    The more exposed you and your writing become, the more rude comments (but also love), you will receive since a larger audience see your work.
    Even though it’s unpleasant it’s great experience! It can help us strengthen our patience and compassion.
    And it helps us build inner strength. 
    In my opinion, it’s better to pursue your goals and be destructively criticized than hide in fear and not be criticized. It’s just an indication of your success.
    And you are probably more educated than most of those who wrote those unnecessary comments. Not everyone has or is working for a Master’s degree!
    And while your thoughts and writing are very intelligent and it’s clear you are well educated, this isn’t even about intelligence or school education, it’s about wisdom, which you also display. We can be extremely intelligent and educated but not be in tune with our wisdom, which I think is even more important. 
    It also irks me when people try to degrade young people for having a well articulated opinion, using their age against them. I would think we would want to see even more young people with passion and intelligent opinions and the drive and courage to share them. 
    It seems to me that many people are extremely uncomfortable when a person half their age is more intelligent, wise, and educated than they are. Instead of appreciating it, they choose to bash the person and the person’s opinions and age. 
    It’s an insecurity on their part. It’s bad enough to them to have anyone more intelligent and educated and wise but having someone a couple decades or years younger is an even bigger blow to them.
    And it’s the same for men who act and think in a sexist manner; they cannot handle being put in their place or feeling intimidated by an intelligent woman, especially a very young one.
    They saw what you wrote, felt intimidated by your intelligence and wisdom so reacted by trying to drag you down. But when any of us try to drag others down, we only degrade ourselves. 
    I’m happy you keep sharing your opinions even in the face of some negativity and even discovered some wisdom through it! Like you say, it says nothing about who you are and just shows who they are choosing to be in those moments.  
    Congratulations on getting your work published and all of your other success!  It’s a great accomplishment! 
    Much love to you! <3

    • Aw sweetie! Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I am so glad that we share the same perspective on the whole “bitch/slut” thing. I just think it’s degrading and immature! But then again, it’s just my personal opinion. You were absolutely right; the more my writing will be exposed, the more rude comments I’ll receive. I was almost kind of excited to read the rude comments because it meant that my writing was being looked at! hehe. Thank you for supporting me and encouraging me to keep writing and sharing my opinions. I am very thankful to have you as a reader! XOXO

  • I don’t deal with rude people. I do not have rude people in my life. And if a rude person is in the same room as me, I ignore them. They are not worth my time. I do not have confrontation or drama or anything in my life, so rude people – pease!

    • I know. I just don’t have time for it!! Thanks for stopping by, love!

  • Oh my stinking goodness, those comment trolls almost make me laugh… They can’t be serious, right??? (Yes, I know they’re serious, it’s just SO hard for me to believe that they’re that dumb!)

  • Thank you so much for this post! So many times, I feel invalidated or almost feel like a failure because of how some rude comments were delivered to me, and they hurt. Over time I did learn that I’m better than that and keep my chin up, but seriously, some people are just rude! Love the post, and hope you have a great rest of the week sweetie! <3

    -Lily from With Love Lily Rose

    • Thanks Lily for stopping by! You are such a sweetie. Just remember that it’s never about YOU, it’s how those people feel by being rude to you. Keep that gorgeous chin up!

  • Veronica Pototska

    Thank you, Chelsea, this is right on time! I was dealing with one really rude and aggressive woman today, she got me so upset

    • Oh no!!! What happened!!! Totally not cool!

  • Bree Hogan

    You are so right Chelsea when you say it’s really about them, not you, when they say what they say. Still doesn’t make it any easier to read! Hold your head up high you wrote a great article!

    • Thanks Bree. I appreciate your support!! XO

  • I agree 100% with this, Chelsea! Sometimes I lose sight of these truths, but they really are so true. Great topic to share about!

  • The Perfect Storm

    These are all really great things to remember. I do sampling at Sams Club part time and I have to deal with rude people quite frequently. I usually tell myself these things a lot.

    • Ugh I can imagine!! Hold that pretty head up!

  • Ugh, I read Lindsay’s post on this too, and I totally agree with you both. I’m sorry that people were so rude to you (on what was an AMAZING post, fyi. And I’m not just saying that because we’re blog buddies)

    Understanding that it’s not really about you at all is so important. People are stuck in their own shit and looking for an outlet. It can be disheartening though.

    xxox
    Laura

    • Aw thank you so much for your support, Laura. I’m so happy to call you a blogging pal! XO

  • Lanae Bond

    Not everyone behaves like that in the world, which I am so thankful! I agree with the points you made in this post and on your other article. There are some people in this world that just want to start a fight with someone especially if they believe that person to be weak! I am glad that you did not let the hurtful words of some online prevent you for writing and you are strong person for sticking to it!

    • Thanks for your support! I’m happy you enjoyed this piece. We have to remember that this is about THEM, not us.

  • Angela

    So true! Instead of getting upset when people are rude to me, I need to remember it’s probably not about me.

    • Completely, Angela! Don’t ever forget about that!

  • This is something that I always have to remember, that it has nothing to do with me. Time and time again I have allowed people to upset me and frustrate me by there rudeness. Thanks for the reminder!

    • Yes, this has NOTHING to do with you. Only you can control your thoughts and feelings, not what others think.

  • Chelsea, i have just knew that “the most confident people who treat others
    disrespectfully are deeply insecure with some aspect of themselves”. Well thank you..

    • Yes, I’ve noticed this in so many people!!