FeaturedInsecurities

Last week, I facilitated my first group therapy session in my graduate program as a counselor-in-training. I was scared crapless. I felt like I didn’t have the necessary skills to lead a group at this point, and let alone do it at all. For the entire 30 minute session, I felt like a horrendous train wreck.

After the therapy, I met with my cohort and professor to break down the session and talk about what went well, and what didn’t go well. My professor asked me, “How did you feel about this session?” I told her, “Honestly, I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing. It was a mess. I’m not sure if I’m cut out for this.”

Then to my surprise, one of my cohort members gently spoke to me, “Chelsea, you seemed really confident.”

In my head, I was screaming, Are you freakin’ kidding! I was anything BUT confident! I was the complete OPPOSITE of confident! How could you think such a thing?! Nonetheless, her comment stuck with me, and carried me throughout the week. I did it! I managed my first therapy session, and I actually appeared to know what I was doing!

Facing My Insecurities 

It’s funny, because I’ve been told by people that I appear confident by the way I carry myself, but the truth is that I have insecurities just like anybody else. This week, I’ve been reflecting about how often I’ve let my insecurities run my life when I didn’t want them to.

Insecurities about if I am intelligent enough to be in a graduate program.
Insecurities about my writing.
Insecurities about my crooked teeth.
Insecurities about my boy-ish figure.
Insecurities about the chicken pock scar below my right eye.

The truth is, I have LOTS of insecurities, and I will carry them with me everywhere I go. But this week was a major turning point. I won the battle; I beat this insecurity and fear.

I Am More Than My Insecurities

There is so much more to me than the scar below my right eye and my teeth that have unstraightened themselves because I failed to wear my retainer after my braces came off. (Still cursing myself for that one). I have a beautiful heart, and even though I may not always feel intelligent compared to the rest of my cohort, I know that I am a smart girl. I care about people, and I use my voice to advocate for those whom I feel need it. I have so many great things going for me! So why do I choose to only focus on my insecurities?

I think that at the root of insecurities is comparison, which I’ve written about my struggles with that before in this post. Although comparison is natural, I feel that I am finally understanding how to stop letting these comparisons and insecurities control my mood and thinking.

Taking a Stand

Sure, there will always be women who have more stylish clothes than me on Instagram.
There will always be girls with whiter, straighter teeth with picture-perfect hair and Barbie doll figures. There will always be someone smarter than me.

And you know what? That’s okay. Because I know that I have many special qualities that others would kill to have, like my empathic nature when listening to others. I may have a lot of insecurities, but I also have many qualities about myself that I am proud of. How come we never discuss the things about ourselves that we love? Too often, we trash-talk ourselves and only talk about the things that we don’t like. I believe that it’s time to start talking about the qualities that we love about ourselves and not feel ashamed for doing so.

I have seen other women take a stand and they inspire me to do the same. My friend Lindsay wrote an AMAZING blog post here about how she embraces her true self, flaws and all, on Instagram, and it really spoke to me! In addition, my other blogging pal Chelsie is a childhood cancer survivor and wrote in this post how she embraces her surgery scars. I love the positive messages. It’s time to embrace who we are and not be shameful for our flaws!

My Challenge for You

It’s normal for everyone to have insecurities, but I challenge you to get deeper with them. What exactly are you afraid of? If you are insecure about your figure, what is the fear that is holding you back? Are you afraid that you will lose friends? Are you afraid you will be made fun of? Once we learn to face our fears head on, the insecurities become only a small component of the entire solution.

We need to build each other up. Give compliments. Spread positivity. Start a gratitude jar. Post a positive message on your bathroom mirror. Be FEARLESS. We need to shed the negativity and remind ourselves of what makes our hearts happy. Remind yourself that you are LOVED despite your flaws.

You are so worthy. You are Enough. You are MORE than you Insecurities.

Xoxo,

 

  • Lindsay Katherine

    Heck yes, Chelsea! I’m so glad you wrote this post. So beautifully put. I’m proud of you for kicking butt in your first group session, and you didn’t even know it. I think it’s natural for us to be our own worst critics, so it’s great to get your professor’s outside perspective and hopefully put things into perspective for you, too. (Side note: I’d love to hear about your session sometime!) All through college and grade school I struggled with feeling like others were smarter than I am, even though I ended up with a 4.0 in my masters program. Maybe others are just easier at hiding their insecurities and come off more confident. So who knows? There are probably people in your cohort feeling envious of YOU and YOUR intelligence. You’re such a great role model, friend, and future counselor.

    • AW! How I love you, sweet Lindsay! You are too kind. I do feel like I live by the phrase “Fake it til you make it” regarding confidence! I’d be happy to tell you all about my group session in the future! And HOLY SMARTIE PANTS!!! You are so intelligent; I feel envious of you all of the time! I guess we all have insecurities. Hope you’re having a great day!

  • Love this post Chelsea! I used to seriously struggle with certain insecurities in my early 20s. It really held me back too. I really love how the older I get, the more I don’t let that stand in my way! When I first started my academic consulting business, I was SOO scared about meeting new clients in a way I hadn’t done before. There were intimidating situations that made me say…nope, I don’t wanna do this! What got me through was just ignoring my feelings and to start pretending, even to myself, that I was fearless, confident, and totally excited. After awhile, I started realizing, wait…I am confident about this! It was like I had to trick myself first :) Thanks for sharing this inspiration today!

    • Aw that’s so awesome, Alexis! I loved reading this and am glad I could have inspired you today! You can do anything you put your mind to. Mind over matter! Happy Monday! xo

  • Beautifully, beautifully said! I’ve totally been allowing my insecurities to take the reign of my life especially when it comes to my career and choosing what I really want to do with my life! It’s a great reminder that those around us can often believe in us more than we believe in ourselves but the more we listen to them, the more we’ll believe it!

    • Thanks for reading, Katie! You got this girl!

  • Rica Lewis

    I absolutely agree that comparisons can crush us. When we stop looking at what we do well and focusing on other people/things, we lose our momentum and the ability to appreciate our own gifts and talents. I have often lost my courage as a result of making comparisons. But I try to remind myself that the world needs me just as I am, and I deserve to live authentically. Thanks for sharing this wonderful post!

    • Yes, I love that you gracefully wrote that you deserve to live authentically. Couldn’t have said it better myself! You go, girl!

  • Your writing is always inspirational. Another great post. I could connect with the starting of your post. Many times it happens that I’m freaked out before a presentation but later everyone says how good I was! :)

    • Thank you, dear! See! You are greater than you believe. Don’t let those insecurities corner you! xo

  • I love this Chels! I have always struggled with insecurities but I decided that I would make one of my goals this year to be more confident. Its definitely helping when you focus more on confidence instead of the insecurity, and after reading the 40 guide to miracles by gabby bernstein, and affirmation that is constantly helping me see myself in the best possible way is “I choose to see LOVE instead of FEAR”. Thanks for sharing!
    xoxox
    May from http://www.mayliving.com

    • That is so awesome. Have you ever read Brene Brown? You would LOVE her!!! I’ll have to check out Gabby’s book!

  • Chrissa – Physical Kitchness

    AMEN! Preach sister preach! Love this post. You so raw and honest. Totally could relate!

    • Thanks for reading, Chrissa!

  • Shannon Paige

    I love this so much! We are always harder on ourselves than others are- I have had very similiar experiences like yours with your group session, where you think you were so nervous that you must have shown it and others convince you that you looked fine! Good for you for recognizing your fears and challenging them… My therapist is always telling me to “challenge, challenge challenge” Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. For me, I have social anxiety- so I struggle more with insecurities on a daily basis than most people do… just walking down the street sometimes is a struggle, but I’m making it. I constantly try to challenge my fears, but I also have my days where I just simply feel that I need to be easier on myself.. *thegoodthingscomin.wordpress.com

    • Thank you for being vulnerable with me, Shannon! This is too funny because my counseling professor often tells us to “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” Do we know the same therapist?! Proud of you. Baby steps!

  • I have a lot of insecurities and it got worst after I had my kids. But I always try to stay confident because I have someone who loves me for me. I have my boys, family/friends that love me. And honestly that’s all that matters. That’s how I stay confident.

    By the way I do too have a scar on my left eye by my eyebrow from the chicken pox. lol

    • I love that, Jasmine. I think being a mother too now it’s especially important to be confident for your kids and teach them that their flaws are what makes them who they are!! And YASSS I’m not the only one 😉 Trevor says he likes my scar and that it’s cute. That’s all that matters! lol

  • Wonderful post, Chelsea! One of my favorite things about getting older is that I feel more confident in myself and have fewer insecurities, but of course they are still there! I’ve always found it helpful to think about what I’m really afraid of. Also, I too have a chicken pox scar my by right eye :)

    • That is too funny, so does Jasmine!!! haha. I completely agree. The older I get, the more confident I feel as well!

  • Kim Munoz

    I love everything about this post! Some days I struggle, oh hell, most days I struggle. But the other night I was talking to the hubby about times where I just had to “fake it till I make it” Like when a friend asked me to do a video conference with her medical class and I was so nervous I though I was going to throw up. But I faced my fears and now if I ever have to do it again, I will be than much less nervous.

    • Aw! I am so, so proud of you, Kim! That is amazing. I bet you felt elated and so proud of yourself after that experience! You go, girl!

  • Candy Kage

    Dealing with some insecurities right now, this came at a great time.

  • I can definitely relate! I used to be TERRIBLE at public speaking. Now I am better but I still get so nervous! But I am told that I didn’t appear nervous, so I guess I am getting better at hiding it, at least! And I deal with these same insecurities every day in my job as a dietitian. Sometimes I’m like “am I even qualified to do this?”

    • Of course you are! “Fake it till you make it.” Ha, seriously this expression has carried me through so many experiences like public speaking.

  • Thank you for this reminder! I struggle a lot with my insecurities but I’m learning to love myself and be proud of who I am.

    • So happy to hear that, Emma!!

  • I believe insecurities are inevitable it’s all about how we deal with them that matters. I love your take on it. They are going to be prettier and smarter people out there but as long as we know that it doesn’t make us less. Thank you for the reminder.

    • I’m glad I could remind you of your worth (:

  • Enjoyed this post, Chelsea, and congrats on leading your first therapy session. I think we need to remember that EVERYONE has insecurities about something, no matter how confident they seem on the outside.

    • Thank you, Jennifer! Yes, it really is true. Everybody is insecure about SOMETHING!

  • Shamira West

    The post is everything! Some days i struggle with my insecurities especially public speaking. I am an introvert and very shy however, I have learned the art of “fake it til you make it” lol

    • Works like a charm! lol. Thanks for reading, Shamira!

  • LOVE THIS! I’m trying to start a novel, but I am also insecure about my writing. My fear makes it difficult to find motivation. I need to remember that, as they say, “life begins at the end of your comfort zone,” and that there is a world of possibilities if I embrace fearlessness.

    • You can do it, Emily. That quote is so true. Feel the fear and do it anyway!! You got this!

  • indiesuns

    It’s so easy to let our insecurities take over out minds, it’s so nice to read blogs like yours and remind ourselves that we are worth so much more! Thanks for the positivity, have a beautiful week! <3
    xx
    Ana

    Indie Suns | Bloglovin’ | Instagram

    • I’m so happy you enjoyed! Have a great week!

  • Melissa Chee

    Very thought provoking post!
    –Melissa

  • What a great post! It really got me thinking, because much like you, I am riddled with insecurities that sometimes get the best of me. Thank you for giving us ways to get past those insecurities and helping us to deal with them head on.

    • Stay positive and remember why you love yourself <3

  • Love this post so so much! It can be so difficult to move beyond our insecurities sometimes and I think you are right most insecurities stem from the game of comparison. But as you said, we all have special unique qualities that others may or may not have and in that sense we are all beautiful and should be confident. Great post!

    • Thank you, Cara! Have a great Tuesday!

  • Neely

    I am very insecure about my weight. I have no idea why because I am not overweight! You are so right. I am more than my insecurities and I have no idea what I am afraid of. This is brilliant!

    • Aw Neely. There is so much more to you than your weight!

  • Danielle

    This post is so inspirational! Its easy to see your insecurities in the mirror every day, but other people don’t see the same thing! Sometimes it’s harder to look and see confidence, but we all have strengths to be confident about. Thank you for that reminder.

    • Thank you for reading, Danielle! I think we all have something special to be confident about :)

  • I LOVE this! I have struggled with weight gain over the past year or so & that has definitely led me to become insecure. Finding a workout that I love has helped SO much, but I am still on the journey to becoming more confident.

  • This is a great post. You had me when you were screaming in your head. I do that!

    • Haha. Thanks for reading, Sandy!

  • I was going to say, this is the second post I read today with a similar message! And then I saw that you linked to Lindsay’s post. :) Both of you had great messages to share! How often do we let our insecurities get in the way? Probably too much. Lately I’ve found that in certain circumstances I work hard to turn off my insecurities… sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but it always feels good when it does.

    • Yeah, Lindsay’s blog is great! I think everybody has off days. Take it one day at a time!!

  • It’s always amazing how we can be feeling one way on the inside but don’t present that to the others. I think it’s important to acknowledge that we all have insecurities and we deal with them in many different ways. As you said, we need to provide more compliments and support to each other.

    • We need to remember the good things about ourselves as well as the bad!

  • YES to this!
    Good for you for being able to be calm, cool, and collected on the outside while mentally freaking out. I am not one of those people haha.

    xoxo, Jenny

    • Haha you CAN be though! Own it, girl!!

  • Kelsie Kleinmeyer

    YES! You are so right. You are so so much more than your insecurities, and so beautiful at that :) Thanks for sharing what so many women feel. It is definitely something we need to think about more: to build each other up!

    • We do need to build each other up! Thank you for reading, Kelsie!

  • Oh i have got insecurities just like everyone. One that I am certainly working on is comparing my life to others. I’ve done that time over time and I have realized, I will always fall short. I am posting something next month on “The Grass is always greener…or is it?” in honor of spring and the season for green. Thanks for sharing. Glad to know that there is a group of bloggers who know to get this content out there.

    Chiara
    chiaramarie.com/blog

    • Aw thank you. I love writing inspirational things that will help others. Hope you have a great week!

  • Such a beautiful and uplifting post! I love the challenge at the end, it’s such a push in a positive direction. This was so refreshing and helpful

    • Thanks for reading, Lezley!

  • I love this. It really is an amazing thing when you accomplish something that an insecurity would otherwise keep you back from!

    • Exactly. Such an empowering feeling!

  • I love this! Congrats on a job well done! Everything is hard the first time you do it, but the more you do it, the more confident you become. One of my tricks is to step back from my insecurities and separate myself from them, recognize that they exist, but like any other feeling, and then ignore them anyway :)

    • I love that! Thanks for sharing your tips!! xo

  • This is powerful, Chelsea. You are MORE than your insecurities and fears…you CAN do it. You always write the most genuinely inspiring and empowering pieces – it’s a great way to start the day!

    Coming Up Roses

    • Glad I could have inspired you, Erica! Thanks for stopping by! xo

  • <3 <3 <3 YES! Thank you for the sweet shoutout; that post was one of my first fashion posts and it was terrifying to write about my insecurities in such a vulnerable way, but I'm glad I did! I'm slowly learning that I am MORE than my scars, that I am POWERFUL despite my injuries! In fact, I feel like I am more powerful because of what I've been through and what I've seen. I'm not perfect at remembering that, but I'm learning to use those experiences to fuel my passion and fire instead of dragging me down.

    • I know you’re going to rock this with Huffington <3

  • Yes! I think this is a message everyone needs to hear. Especially in our society where lots of pictures are staged or enhanced to make life appear to be more than it is. It’s a great reminder that we all have insecurities we’re facing.

    • We all have battles, but it’s how we overcome the mountains that shape us!! <3

  • Thanks for your empowering post, love your solution about facing insecurities and spreading positivity!

  • such a beautiful post! Thank you for your encouraging and inspiring words!