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I am guessing by the title of this blog post, most of you think I’m going through a break up.

Well, sorta.

Only, a different kind of heart break than you probably think.

So, I normally don’t blog about super personal things in my life. My mission is to inspire others and ultimately lift others up. However, I’m going to be straight up honest with you guys. This week has been extremely rough on me, and I thought that I owe it to you all to be honest instead of trying to fake it by writing something else that is really not on my mind.

But please, let this post inspire you. In any way, I want it to be of some therapeutic value for you. Are you currently struggling with moving on? Perhaps your significant other just left overseas in the military, or you just got divorced. Maybe you are 18 and your high school boyfriend is leaving for college across the country. Your pain should never be minimized no matter what age you are and how big or small your concerns are.

I want you to find the courage to move forward in any aspect of your life that you are struggling with right now.

Here’s why I’ve been super down this week.

The Start of Something New

Last December, I graduated college with a bachelor’s degree. Knowing that I wouldn’t start grad school until the following September, I had 9 months off of school where I had to find a job to fill the time. Who in the heck was going to hire me for only 9 months? I considered looking for a temp job, but couldn’t fathom working in a stiffy office without building any real connections…just to get by financially. I decided to pursue the only thing I had ever known, working with kids. I applied for nanny jobs on Care.com

Fate

Do you ever think about how different your life would be if one little thing was changed? I applied for over 20 nanny jobs with only a handful of replies back. One of those replies was from a couple who had twin 3 month-old boys and was looking for a full-time nanny. I was overjoyed when the mother messaged me because their house was so close to the area where I lived- which says a lot, because I live in a small town away from any big cities where it can be hard to find a job sometimes. What was even more surprising was that the family was only looking for a nanny for 6-9 months, about the time that I would be starting grad school. They had originally wanted to bring their kids to their church daycare but there was only one spot open for the baby room and there wouldn’t be two spots open until summer. I could not believe how perfect this situation seemed.

When I first met the family in December, I had a gut feeling that this was the right choice. I had never taken care of babies that small before so I was a little apprehensive to apply for the job. The parents were super nice, but also very professional and well-established in their careers. I didn’t think I would get the job because of my age. (I was 22 when I met them).

Next thing you know, it’s January 5th and I’m the new nanny of twin 4-month boys. I was overjoyed that this beautiful family had chosen to trust me with their two most important things.

A Different Kind of Love

I grew to absolutely adore the boys. It was hard not to fall in love with them. Not only were they completely adorable, but I was with them 50 hours a week- sometimes more because I babysat on occasional weekends for date night. I wish I could show you some of the heart-melting photos I took of the boys, but I signed a contract to not share any pictures online. Those two boys became my whole world. It was exhausting by day, but the truth is that even when I was not with those little babies, I thought about them constantly. I watched them grow and change day by day. I watched them learn to roll over, sit up, stand up, and interact with each other. I was there when they learned to eat solids, feed themselves, and say “mama,” “dada,” and “ball.”

I never knew that I could feel such deep love for a child– especially ones that were not even mine. Not only did I adore those babies, but they adored me. Their faces lit up every time I walked into the home at 7am. They would grab my face, give me “lick-ey kisses,” and cry when my arms were too tired to carry them anymore. I never felt more needed in my life, and I loved this feeling.

Finding Courage

It’s obviously not January anymore. It’s almost September, and my last day with the babies is today. My heart is so heavy. It’s bittersweet. I’m so excited to start the next chapter of my life, but I’m incredibly sad. I have cried every single day for the past two weeks! I just can’t believe how much I fell in love with these little ones. I literally feel half crazy because these aren’t even my children!

If I’m so in love with these babies, what’s it going to be like someday when I have my own?

Soon the babies will celebrate their first birthday! I can’t believe that they will be 1 years old and I met them at 3 months. Life goes by way too fast.

I will never forget this job and the lessons it taught me. This nanny job was not just a job. It taught me that loving a child is a special kind of love that one cannot understand unless they are a parent or a caretaker. I learned that I am much more patient with babies than I thought I would be, and that my life calling is to be a mother some day.

Today is the end of one chapter. A beginning of a new era in my career and my life.

Today, I am finding the courage to move forward.

What past or current events have you struggled with in moving forward with your life?

Xoxo,

 

Names and pictures have not been used in this post in respect to the privacy wishes of the family.

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My goodbye flowers

 

Like this post? Check out How to Be Happy During a Rough Time

 

  • This is really sweet, thank you so much for sharing. It’s also really precious that they got you goodbye flowers! Congratulations on graduate school. I applied to a few programs and, to the shock of my advisor and those who wrote my recommendation letters, I wasn’t accepted – so I will try to live vicariously through the snippets that break through on your blog. 😛

    • Chelsea

      Aw keep applying girl!! Don’t take no for an answer!!!

  • Such an amazing post. Finding the courage to move on is so hard for most people including myself. This post was beautiful, thanks for sharing!

    • Chelsea

      Thank you for reading, Kerri!

  • Awe, Chels! I completely understand. My neighbors moved to Chicago a couple years ago and our parents were best friends and I had been their babysitter since they were born…so I was kinda more of a “big sister” figure than anything. It really hurts when you can’t spend all your time with them because that is all you have known for a while.

    However, look to the bright side. You learned several awesome lessons from this AND they don’t live far away so you can still see them. I would definitely hop on asking them to be invited to every birthday (: Good luck in school, bestie!

    • Chelsea

      Exactly. I’m super blessed because I learned SO MUCH about myself, and it’s not like I’m moving and will never see them again!!!

      I’m so glad you can relate. It hurts like hell when you know you have to move on, even though it sucks.

      Thanks girl!! You as well!! :)

  • What a beautiful part of life you were able to share with them! Congratulations on starting grad school and a new chapter of your life!

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much, Kelly!! xo

  • Aww this was a great story. Moving on is hard, but look at all theat joy you have brought into the boys’ lives and they into yours. Good luck with the next chapter of your life.

    http://www.randomlyyaya.com

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much, girl!

  • It’s ways a beautiful thing to know we have made a difference. How wonderful for you (& them) to have had this experience!

    • Chelsea

      I’m so blessed for this experience. Thank you so much <3

  • OMG Chels….I’m so heartbroken for you! Those kids will forever be a part of your life. Thanks for sharing this story!!!

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much Taylor!! xoxo

  • So beautiful Chels. I think it’s such an amazing gift to you and that family that you loved so truly and deeply those that are not your own. That is a special and beautiful kind of love and one that will not soon be forgotten by any of you. Thank you for sharing this so beautifully.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much for your kind words <3

  • This was such a wonderful and powerful post. My daughter was born on the 25th of September and she is literally the first child I have ever really encountered. If I could find a nanny who could ever love my daughter with the same ferociousness as you seem to exhibit then I would so go back to work. But alas I haven’t found anyone. Take with you the knowledge that out of probably 25 people that they interviewed over an entire month, they trusted you with the two things that matter most to them in the entire world. That will last with you for forever.

    • Chelsea

      Thanks Trish. Sometimes I’m still shocked that they picked a 22 year old who had no prior baby experience except playing with her little cousins. Best of luck with your childcare search- trust your instincts..you will be able to find someone great out there! How precious, your little girl is almost a year old!!!

  • 50+ hours a week down to nothing (except for the occasional visit, which I’m sure you and the family will make sure of!) will be quite a change for you. Thankfully you have a new start with school to replace some of your attention. It sounds like you were a dream nanny—way to put your all into a temporary position. How great that it confirmed your love for kids and desire to be a mother someday :)

    • Chelsea

      Thanks so much Brooke, It was definitely a learning experience! It showed that I am sooo excited to be a mother. Luckily I will still get to see the boys on occasional date nights :)

  • This is so sweet and believe me when I say I honestly can understand where you are coming from on this. I’ve been to Uganda to live multiple times, to take care of the babies at a church there and falling in love is almost an understatement. You want to be with them all the time and leaving is always heartbreaking. But it’s beautiful to know that from this experience, you are now super confident in your calling to be a mom!

    • Chelsea

      Oh my goodness, what a beautiful experience, Danielle! Thank you so much for your comforting and kind words. I am so glad you can understand- it’s heartbreaking, but you have to move on.

  • Kayla

    I commend you for being able to open up to total strangers, you are inspiring someone and lifting them up with your hardship.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much, Kayla. <3

  • Emily Vanderhoof

    What a nice post. It will be hard at first and an adjustment but you will adjust slowly. Wil you be able to visit and see them once in awhile? It seems like you really learned a lot about yourself this past year! What a great experience! Remember the great memories but look forward to moving forward and what lies ahead! You have a full life ahead and it sounds like someday you will be a wonderful mother with lots of love to give!

    • Chelsea

      I DID!! I learned SOOO MUCH about myself. Like that I actually have a lot more patience with babies (twins let alone!) than I thought I ever would have. And that I just love it soooo much.

      I’m blessed because I will still get to see them. I will be babysitting for occasional date nights, and the boys’ first birthday is coming up in two weeks!! :)

      Thank you sooo much! I hope so :)

  • As a fellow nanny this makes me so happy and sad at the same time. Just this week I started back with my nanny family after they had their second baby in February. Nannying is such a special job. I’ve been with the first child since he was 3 months old and he’s 2.5 now. Thanks for sharing this! Good luck as you start grad school!

    • Chelsea

      OH MY GOSH!! How similar! We both started when they were 3 months! Oh my goodness, I can’t imagine being with a child from 3 months until 2.5 years and having to leave! I’m so glad you can relate to my situation, Lisa! xo

  • What a bittersweet day for you! It’s so beautiful that you were dedicated to this family, and it’s clear they chose well when they asked you to care for their precious babies! I’d imagine it’s such a gift to a mom to be able to leave her kids not just with someone she trusts, but with someone who loves them so well.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you Brittany! Update: The mom actually sent me a picture of the boys on their first day of daycare and it literally broke my heart! They were crying and did not look happy at all!! I’m sure it will take a few weeks for them to adjust.

      It’s life. :(

  • I really had no idea where your post was going when I started reading it, and I loved the element of surprise. As a mom of 3 kids, and having searched many times for a sitter , I can tell you that the family is so blessed to have had you. Your passion and commitment will stay with them forever and they will never forget you, It does not have to be goodbye. it will just be a different relationship! Wishing you all the best

    • Chelsea

      I love that, “It does not have to be goodbye. it will just be a different relationship! ” So true. Thank you so much for your comforting words.

  • Such a sweet story. I love how you write with your heart. My mom used to babysit for the majority of my childhood and she had this feeling quite a bit when the kids would move or go to another daycare etc. She loves meeting up with them now and seeing how they grew up.

    • Chelsea

      So cool! My mom also babysat for the majority of my childhood! The first family she ever babysat for now has their children in college. They have become family to us as well!

  • Aw, I’m so sorry that this transition has been so rough! I can relate; when I had to leave my students in China I cried for days. It was so hard to leave them after spending 5 months teaching them and tucking them in at night! But, I commend you for being honest and open on your blog; it makes you a real person to us to read something personal and from the heart! I hope that things continue to improve and hope that you can continue to see your kids.

    • Chelsea

      Thanks Chels! OMG I can’t even imagine that! 5 MONTHS!! Oh my gosh I want to cry just thinking of having to leave kids after being with them for so long. i’m so glad you can relate! Thanks for your kind words! xo

  • JessSC7879

    Moving on – in any form – can be so hard on you! Let yourself process the emotions and move on as you are able to do so. You’ll never forget the things you learned with them. Kudos to you on sharing your heart at its most vulnerable.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much for your kind words Jess!

  • AWWWW! I love this. As a parent I am always terrified to leave my kids with other people, because I am afraid that they wouldn’t care for my kids like I would. I realized how scary that was this year when my son started VPK. I can tell you that as a parent, this post was extremely comforting. I am so happy that there are people out there that take caring for other peoples children SO seriously and actually love them in their own special way. I am sure you were a wonderful nanny to them and I am sorry that you are hurting. Hopefully you and the family can stay friends?! <3

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much Amanda! Yes, there are defintely caretakers out there who would and WILL love your kids like their own!! Trust your gut when you drop your kids off.

      Honestly I think the hardest part for me is that I don’t know who the day care workers are. I feel like they could never love those boys like I did! I’ve worked at a daycare before where the workers treat it as “just a job” and don’t care about the kids. Not all daycares are like that, but it scares me.

      And I will continue to see them in the future :) for occasional date nights. Also, their FIRST birthday is in two weeks and I’ll be at the party :) Thanks for your kind words! I’m sure you’re an awesome mommy.

  • So sweet! I love that you have that connection with those little ones. I’m also super impressed you were able to handle twins! Good work! Thinking of you as you walk away from one season and into the next. I hope there are lots of good things to come!

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much Lauren! It’s tough but I know I have to move on. I can’t be a nanny forever! Honestly they were SUCH good babies…I was blessed. We were able to get them on the same schedule and they were suuuuuch happy little ones :) Barely cried! I was so blessed.

  • Such a bittersweet day! But how great to know you’ll always be in their lives and that you’ll have them in yours. Love your heart.

    • Chelsea

      Exactly. It’s goodbye, but not forever. Thanks girl. <3

  • This was a really sweet post. Moving forward is hard sometimes. The house that I lived in with my sister during college, in which she still lives in will be sold soon. It’s bittersweet because the house has so many memories in it. So I’m having a little bit of a hard time letting go of the house.

    • Chelsea

      Isn’t it funny how hard it can be to let go of things like this! I’m so glad you can relate to the bittersweetness of the pain and happiness! Thank you so much for reading.

  • This is a beautiful post. I felt the same way when I quit my last job – I was a youth advisor at a girls treatment center and I absolutely adored those girls. I’m so glad I had that experience and that I can still keep in touch with them! I’m sure you will be able to do the same with this family!

    • Chelsea

      Thanks Shannon! I’m glad you can relate. It’s tough but I know that it’s time to move on! I’m so happy that you are able to still keep in contact with the girls!

  • Wow, what a blessing it sounds like these last nine months were for you on so many levels! I’m sorry you are hurting, saying goodbye is hard when your heart is so connected. I hope since you live so close you will still get to see them from time to time!

    • Chelsea

      Thank you Angie. I know it’s not goodbye forever- I’ll still be babysitting on occasional date nights and their One Year birthday party is coming up in a two weeks :) Just hard not seeing them every day. Thank you for your kind words!

  • Shann Eva

    Awe. That is so sweet. It’s wonderful how much you fell in love with them. You are going to be an amazing mother.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much Shann. That means a lot to me!

  • You have given this family such a wonderful gift and supplied those babies with love that they will carry with them their entire lives.

    I have a story for you I think you’ll like. From the time I was 3 months to about 2 years, I had a nanny (June) who was also my occasional babysitter as a kid, once my mom stopped working. I have memories of her teaching me that not all families celebrated Christmas (they were from thailand) of playing with her kids, of her husband helping to get a splinter out of my finger, of her making me dinners to take home at the end of the day because I liked her cooking better than my mom’s. I adored her.

    As I got older, our families lost touch. It had probably been about 15 years when one day, a car pulled into my driveway as I was popping out to see a friend. I don’t think she had her car door open for more than 10 seconds before I ran screaming with excitement into her waiting arms. All those years later, I knew exactly who she was.

    True love lasts a lifetime :)

    • Chelsea

      Oh my gosh Laura! This literally made me tear up! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for sharing this with me!! How wonderful that you had this special person throughout your life.

      I’m hoping for the same outcome. I know that the parents plan on me babysitting occasional date nights…it’s goodbye for now, but not forever :)
      It will just be extremely hard for me to not see the boys every day.

  • Kayla James

    This is such a beautiful post! It really seems to me you made a family with that family! Good luck on your graduate school journey!

    • Chelsea

      I certainly did. It’s hard, but I know that I have to move on! Thanks, lady!

  • What a sweet post! Good luck with your grad school adventure. I know you’ll do great!

    • Chelsea

      Thanks Lexi! I’m nervous but excited for the next chapter!

  • Ugh, how heartbreaking. It’s awesome that you got to spend so much time with them, though!
    xo, Caitlin
    And Possibly Dinosaurs

    • Chelsea

      Yes…I am very blessed for the experience!

  • Neely

    Moving on is so hard! But you are going to do awesome!

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much, girl!