I am guessing by the title of this blog post, most of you think I’m going through a break up.
Only, a different kind of heart break than you probably think.
So, I normally don’t blog about super personal things in my life. My mission is to inspire others and ultimately lift others up. However, I’m going to be straight up honest with you guys. This week has been extremely rough on me, and I thought that I owe it to you all to be honest instead of trying to fake it by writing something else that is really not on my mind.
But please, let this post inspire you. In any way, I want it to be of some therapeutic value for you. Are you currently struggling with moving on? Perhaps your significant other just left overseas in the military, or you just got divorced. Maybe you are 18 and your high school boyfriend is leaving for college across the country. Your pain should never be minimized no matter what age you are and how big or small your concerns are.
I want you to find the courage to move forward in any aspect of your life that you are struggling with right now.
Here’s why I’ve been super down this week.
The Start of Something New
Last December, I graduated college with a bachelor’s degree. Knowing that I wouldn’t start grad school until the following September, I had 9 months off of school where I had to find a job to fill the time. Who in the heck was going to hire me for only 9 months? I considered looking for a temp job, but couldn’t fathom working in a stiffy office without building any real connections…just to get by financially. I decided to pursue the only thing I had ever known, working with kids. I applied for nanny jobs on Care.com
Do you ever think about how different your life would be if one little thing was changed? I applied for over 20 nanny jobs with only a handful of replies back. One of those replies was from a couple who had twin 3 month-old boys and was looking for a full-time nanny. I was overjoyed when the mother messaged me because their house was so close to the area where I lived- which says a lot, because I live in a small town away from any big cities where it can be hard to find a job sometimes. What was even more surprising was that the family was only looking for a nanny for 6-9 months, about the time that I would be starting grad school. They had originally wanted to bring their kids to their church daycare but there was only one spot open for the baby room and there wouldn’t be two spots open until summer. I could not believe how perfect this situation seemed.
When I first met the family in December, I had a gut feeling that this was the right choice. I had never taken care of babies that small before so I was a little apprehensive to apply for the job. The parents were super nice, but also very professional and well-established in their careers. I didn’t think I would get the job because of my age. (I was 22 when I met them).
Next thing you know, it’s January 5th and I’m the new nanny of twin 4-month boys. I was overjoyed that this beautiful family had chosen to trust me with their two most important things.
A Different Kind of Love
I grew to absolutely adore the boys. It was hard not to fall in love with them. Not only were they completely adorable, but I was with them 50 hours a week- sometimes more because I babysat on occasional weekends for date night. I wish I could show you some of the heart-melting photos I took of the boys, but I signed a contract to not share any pictures online. Those two boys became my whole world. It was exhausting by day, but the truth is that even when I was not with those little babies, I thought about them constantly. I watched them grow and change day by day. I watched them learn to roll over, sit up, stand up, and interact with each other. I was there when they learned to eat solids, feed themselves, and say “mama,” “dada,” and “ball.”
I never knew that I could feel such deep love for a child– especially ones that were not even mine. Not only did I adore those babies, but they adored me. Their faces lit up every time I walked into the home at 7am. They would grab my face, give me “lick-ey kisses,” and cry when my arms were too tired to carry them anymore. I never felt more needed in my life, and I loved this feeling.
It’s obviously not January anymore. It’s almost September, and my last day with the babies is today. My heart is so heavy. It’s bittersweet. I’m so excited to start the next chapter of my life, but I’m incredibly sad. I have cried every single day for the past two weeks! I just can’t believe how much I fell in love with these little ones. I literally feel half crazy because these aren’t even my children!
If I’m so in love with these babies, what’s it going to be like someday when I have my own?
Soon the babies will celebrate their first birthday! I can’t believe that they will be 1 years old and I met them at 3 months. Life goes by way too fast.
I will never forget this job and the lessons it taught me. This nanny job was not just a job. It taught me that loving a child is a special kind of love that one cannot understand unless they are a parent or a caretaker. I learned that I am much more patient with babies than I thought I would be, and that my life calling is to be a mother some day.
Today is the end of one chapter. A beginning of a new era in my career and my life.
Today, I am finding the courage to move forward.
What past or current events have you struggled with in moving forward with your life?
Names and pictures have not been used in this post in respect to the privacy wishes of the family.
My goodbye flowers
Like this post? Check out How to Be Happy During a Rough Time