“Can you work for me this weekend? I’m really in a bind and need someone to pick up my shift!”
Ugh. Not again, you think. That feeling of dread mixed with lingering regret suddenly sets in when you respond in a rather chipper voice, “Of course I can!”
Not a second passes after these words leave your lips when you think, why the hell did I just agree to that?!!!
Anyone else been here before?
I know who you are. You’re a people-pleaser. A Yes-Man. You hate when others don’t like you, and you really suck at saying no to people. How do I know you so well? Because I am a people-pleaser myself, and I know that being a people-pleaser can be incredibly disheartening and will eventually wear you down.
Being a Yes-Man is actually affecting your emotional and spiritual well-being. You constantly feel treated like a door mat and out of control. You feel that no matter how bad you want to stand up for yourself, it’s impossible. Being a Yes-Man can have serious consequences down the long run. It’s one thing to be a kind human being, but it’s another thing to let people run all over you. It’s time to break the habit. Join me as I guide myself to work on being less of a people-pleaser and work on taking control of my life and my actions.
Learn to say no
People-pleasers are Yes-Men. We hate saying no to people and feel automatically pressured to do whatever is asked of us. What it really boils down to is that we don’t want to piss anyone off. Even if it involves spending money or doing something that we totally have zero interest in, we really hate to let people down. We would rather suffer doing something we hate than seeing people mad at us or disappointed.
“Can you work for me this weekend?” Sure!
“Do you want me to put in another order of Mary Kay mascara for you?” Yes!
“Can I borrow your new shirt for my date?” Of course!
Sometimes, it’s not okay. It’s NOT okay to be constantly ditching your happiness to make someone else happy, especially if this person uses you as a doormat. It’s time to learn to say NO to people and be okay with that. Stick to your guns and be assertive.
Learn that it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes
You are just as important as the people who are asking you to do things. It’s great to help out family and friends from time to time, but there comes a time when sometimes you just need to be selfish and put yourself first.
Accept that you’re GOING to disappoint people- and that’s okay
As awesome as you think you are, you’re not super(wo)man. You can’t always do everything at once and please everybody. Disappointments are going to happen. You might as well start getting used to it now that you are finally learning to say no to people!
Think about what is being asked of you before you answer
Most Yes-Men struggle with being impulsive. Next time, when someone asks you to do a favor for them, tell the person you need some time think to think about. You will be thanking yourself later when you aren’t in a situation that you are kicking yourself for.
Realize when you are being taken advantage of
Because you struggle so much with saying no to others, chances are that people know how to manipulate you. There is no crappier feeling than knowing that someone is taking advantage of your kindness. Been there, done that, and it SUCKS. Break the cycle and stand up for yourself. Believe it or not, people will look up to you when you start being more assertive.
Freedom of choice
This is a free country; you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. Embrace your freedom of choice and use it. Don’t want to take your co-workers’ Friday night shift? You are obligated to! The beauty of life is that for every action we are given a choice and a consequence. Saying “yes” to everyone becomes so habitual that there will be consequences for your actions just like every other choice.
Think of the good that comes from saying no
Is it really worth your time and energy? Think of all the good that comes from saying no. What are you going to gain?
Cut yourself some slack
Stop having the idea implanted in your brain that all people will hate you if you say no. We’re all human. We have our own wants and needs that sometimes need to get put first before others’. Remind yourself that you are NOT a piece of garbage to be walked over; you are equally just as important!
It gets easier.
The more you start living for yourself instead of others, the easier it will be to say no.
Do you struggle saying no to people? Do you use so much energy trying to please others? Leave me a comment below.