Are you ruining your relationship with these destructive habits?

1.) Being Unappreciative

A typical scenario. A girl at your office had flowers delivered to her randomly by her boyfriend. That night at home, you say to your husband, “How come you never do that for me?”

Sometimes, we tend to compare our relationship to other relationships. This is a very bad habit because we are failing to notice the good our partner does for us in his or her own individual way. Life isn’t a scene from a movie all of the time, and your significant other isn’t perfect. Take time to appreciate the things that they do for you. Maybe your husband isn’t buying your love because he’s busy working his butt off to support your family. Perhaps your wife isn’t cooking you a five-star meal every night because she is beyond stressed out at work. Admire what you fell in love with and forget the fluff. Love is shown in many different ways; seek out how your partner is showing his or hers.

2.) Letting Yourself Go

Especially with couples who have been together for many years, sometimes we tend to take our partner for granted because we know that they will always be there and always love us. However, this does not mean that we need to “let ourselves go.” Still find time to work out. Still make an effort to wear that outfit your significant other finds you sexy in. Still try to look nice when you go out in public. At one point, you tried so hard to impress one another. Why stop now?

3.) Nagging

Yes, women, I’m talking to you. Nagging is extremely frustrating and wearing, and is one of the largest complaints against women that men have. Instead of whining, try to calmly and clearly communicate your needs. Complaining all of the time won’t solve your problem, and it certainly will not motivate your significant other to change. Instead, it will drive him or her away and create a barrier between the two of you. You may think that nagging helps when it reality, it is just worsening the situation. Sit down and have a conversation with your partner about what you would like the two of you to work on together.

4.) Failing to Listen

Relationships are built on a foundation of trust and intimacy. How would you feel if you talked to your partner about a concern of yours and it went in one ear and out the other? We all want to feel valued and understood. When you fail to listen properly to your significant other, you are creating a void between the two of you. When you are multitasking or pretending to listen, you are sending a clear message: That what your partner has to say either does not interest you, or that you do not care. That’s hurtful. Listen to what your partner says and appreciate that they are coming to you to talk.

5.) Being Negative

Honestly, no one likes a Debbie-downer. Positivity is a breath of fresh air, and too much negativity is draining. Being around a constant complainer is extremely taxing. Everyone needs to vent from time to time, but if you are spending most of your time complaining around your partner, it’s time to give it a rest. Positive thoughts are contagious. Encourage each other to live well.

6.) Not Following Up on Your Commitments

A healthy relationship is a team comprised of two people depending on one another. When you and your partner decide something together and one person falls though on their commitment, it’s frustrating. If you said you were going to do something, do it. Don’t make promises that you can’t keep. Be someone that your partner can count on and follow up on your commitments.

7.) Bad-Mouthing Each Other in Public

Treat each other with respect. How would you feel if your husband was complaining to his buddies that you were being a pain last night? You would likely feel pretty hurt, embarrassed, and disrespected. Honor your significant other and show off your love to others rather than bashing it.

8.) Being insecure

We all have insecurities, but if you are constantly dwelling on yours, you are putting too much focus on yourself and not the relationship. Work on these internally and do not weigh your significant other down. Do not let your insecurities run your relationship.

Do you have anything you’d like to add to the list? I’d love to hear in the comments below.

Happy Thursday!

Xoxo,

 

  • Nice list! I have trouble with number 8 sometimes. I would add stop thinking of only yourself. My husband had trouble with this one when we first got together. A situation would come up and he would just make a decision. In a committed relationship whatever you do or decide affects the other person. Lives have to be planned together, not separately.

    • That’s a really good point that I wish I would have thought of! In fact, that should be at the top of the list!!!!

  • You have some good points. I’ve noticed people have a problem bad-mouthing/shaming on facebook! shaming your spouse is a big one. Once I see the facebook arguments, I know the relationship is going downhill. You can’t expect your partner to stick around if you constantly disrespect them like that.

    • Exactly!! Thank you for adding that. So true. Just shows complete disrespect and disregard for each other.

  • Number one is what I attribute my happy relationship to! “I love you” is often over-used, where “I appreciate you” can really encourage someone when they feel like all the ways they are trying are being overlooked. Being unappreciative is such a big problem in society as a whole, not just romantic relationships! We all need to be mindful of it.

    • I completely agree! Thank you so much for reading and for commenting, Bethany! Yes, we say I Love You daily, but how often do we take a step back and tell each other what we appreciate each other for? I’m glad that you can relate to this :)

  • Good ideas. :)

    • Thank you! And thanks for reading!

  • I Think anyone in life, single or in a relationship, can benefit from this list. More positivity in general!

    • Thanks so much for the kind words! and for reading :)

  • This is such a great post! I need to keep this list close.. I am married & have been for almost 7 years.. & I still do some of these things.

    • Thanks so much. I’m not married yet but I know I will marry the guy I’m with. I think that a relationship is basically all about respecting each other and having a solid friendship. Thanks for reading, Ashley!

  • I love this list. Such truthful reminders. Thanks!

    • Chelsea

      Thanks so much, Holly! I’m glad it can resonate with you.

  • Aubrey

    Such a good list for any relationships really.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you!

  • Rosevine Cottege

    Thank you so much. Such good advice.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you! :)

  • Everything about this is perfect. It’s amazing how sneaky these bad habits! I especially love #2 — I love to take care of myself for my own physical/emotional health, but I also love that it positively impacts Dan as well!

    • Chelsea

      Glad you like it :) Good for you and Dan. I agree- when Trevor wants to work out, it motivates me to become a better version of myself as well!

  • Logan Cantrell

    I am definitely guilty of nagging. It even annoys me, so why do I catch myself doing it? Great reminder!

    • Chelsea

      I’m guilty of nagging more than anything else on this list!!

  • Mary

    I’m not so sure about the letting yourself go comment. It sounds like body shaming to me. My husband loves me whether I decide to sit around the house in PJ’s all day or if I decide I want to dress up. I don’t do it for him, I do it for me and he’s the same way. We respect each other enough to not feel the need to dress or act a certain way around each other. One big thing I would add is communication. communicating with each other respectfully is what has kept our relationship going. We listen to each other and we make sure the other person knows what’s going on in our lives so they know if they need to pick up the slack on a physical or emotional level. Our relationship isn’t perfect, but it’s held together by respect.

    • Chelsea

      I’m glad you two have such an open and honest relationship with each other! I defintely did not mean to body shame AT ALL. Many of my other blog posts talk about positive self image and self love so that’s defintely not what I meant…sorry for the misunderstanding! It’s a rare occasion if my boyfriend sees me out of sweat pants lol. What I meant by this number was moreso to still feel the need to want to attract the other. Sexual health is just as important because it creates intimacy. It doesn’t mean you have to parade around in sexy clothes all of the time 😛 Thanks for reading and for comment, Mary! :)

  • Nina McClain

    Great relationship advice. If only I had a relationship to apply it to.

    • Chelsea

      Aw lol soon I’m sure! :) Besides single to mingle is fun anyways! Less problems to worry about lol

  • kayla

    I’m definitely guilty for some of these myself. I try for a while then sometimes forget. My mouth gets the best of me sometimes!

    • Chelsea

      Same here, Kayla! I tend to have a big mouth at times!

  • Shannon Willett Ketchum

    I completely agree with all of these! Number one in my relationship with my husband is grace. We always make it a point to give each other grace, even on the worst day, because let’s face it – some days we are not our best selves and the last thing we need is the one we love pointing that out to us.

    • Chelsea

      Good for you. :) Love that addition to the list! I need to work on that more. Thanks for erading, Shannon!

  • Anyá Bellow

    So good! I just recently learned about not letting myself go after baby. Our son is almost a year and I’m just beginning to feel like myself again.

    • Chelsea

      Good for you! There is nothing wrong with wearing sweat pants and stuff- I moreso just meant, don’t lose that lust and desire :) It can be hard to want to attract our partner sometimes when we know that they will still love us regardless. I think it’s important to occasionally try to impress the other to show that desire :)

  • blissfulgal

    This is so true Chelsea! In relationships, sometimes we lose sight of what’s important. This definitely puts things back into perspective!

    • Chelsea

      Thanks, Amanda!

  • Brea Getting Fit

    I definitely needed this reminder! Working on getting myself back after having the last baby…and the nagging. *sigh*

    • Chelsea

      I’m with you on the nagging!!

  • Chelsea Hutson

    I agree with this 1000 percent! Im with my high school sweetheart of 10 years and we constantly ebb an flow and these are great, clear reminders to hold in the noggin for later :)

    • Chelsea

      Aw so sweet, Chelsea!! That’s awesome you married your high school sweetheart.

  • Chelsea

    Thank you, Aubrey!

  • Chelsea

    Thank you so much!

  • leah herring

    Absolutely love this post! Agree 100%

    • Chelsea

      Thank you!! :)

  • These are some great tips. I bet we could all use these reminders every day. :)

    • Chelsea

      Right!! I don’t know about you, but I’m a horrible nagger. Trevor gets so mad at me when I nag about things. I am trying to do it less.

      • You know, I think we have good intentions…like reminding them of something we need help with…and it just turns sour so easily! I’ve been working on positive ways to communicate those things, like little post its with a sweet way of asking, etc!

      • Chelsea

        Aw that’s a great idea!! maybe put that sweet note on top of a plate of cookies or something 😉

  • Great list! And this can go for any type of relationship. Sometimes you’ve been friends with someone for so long, you don’t notice when you’re nagging or unappreciative.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much for reading! I completely agree!

  • This is a very great list and one that EVERY couple should remember and consider if they want to keep a healthy relationship. Thanks for sharing.

    • Chelsea

      Thank you so much for reading! I think we all are guilty of these things from time to time.

  • Yes! Especially the nagging. I see so many women (myself including) almost feeling like we should or have a right to nag. False! Nagging is so bad!

    • I know. And I do it quite often! Really trying hard to cut back!

  • Mel.P

    I love this article, but I do have one thing correction for you: Men nag too. I understand it’s very common for women to nag in relationships, and I see why you address women directly in this article. It makes perfect sense, but it’s not that way in ALL relationships. In some relationships the roles are reversed, and the man is the one who complains and nags the most. Complaining constantly is an issue for both genders, and it’s not healthy for any relationship. I would love to see an article on this topic directed to both men and women that includes a checklist of things to look for in yourself, to help you see whether you are nagging and damaging the relationship. I would love to read stories of how women cope with men who nag. So often we all (men and women) get stuck on the idea we have in our heads of how things “are supposed to be,” and complain to our partners until we we feel they have changed enough to fit that mold. Personally, I have experienced this a lot from men who have this idea of how a “perfect wife” or “perfect girlfriend” SHOULD be, and it creates a situation where they are nagging me and so stuck on nagging that they fail to see the changes I do make and the huge steps I’ve taken in personal growth until it’s too late.